In one week I'll be where again?

  Since finding out that Jordan would be my new home for a couple of years, I have been defending that country as if I was born and raised there. The face- that concerned, sorta excited, but confused cringe I get when I tell people I'm moving to Jordan- I hate that face. I feel like it's my duty to be on the defense- list 10 reasons why Jordan is safe or spit out statistics of crime rates in the US, to put things in comparison.

After months of reassuring myself and others that Jordan is indeed a safe and wonderful country, I read this in the paper: Jordan foils al-Quaida plot. When I first read it, I freaked out and for the first time started second guessing my decision to move. I spent about 2 hours googling terrorism (bad idea). Panic and anxiety ensued. I'm leaving in a week and holy sh*t, this is real. A couple hours of reflecting on this tossing and turning in bed sleeplessly, I suddenly realized that this story is a positive thing. Apparently,  authorities have been monitoring this group since June, so Jordan is as safe (if not a degree safer) than it was back then. I should feel reassured that the Jordanian government and security forces are well trained and keep close watch on suspicious groups. Okay. Deep breath. Now, more reflection.

Directly after a disaster we become preoccupied with it- obsessed with it sometimes. We are reminded that life is finite and that is terrifying to us. Following the devastating earthquake and tsunami in Japan last year, I remember researching the Cascadia Fault line that runs from Southern Canada to Northern California and learning that a giant earthquake is likely to occur in Seattle within the next 200 years. Following the shooting in Aurora I researched US serial killers. There have been a lot of them. 

It's hard not to let the fear of the what-ifs paralyze us.

Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold. - Helen Keller

I know that I am going to a part of the world that we hear about in the news constantly. It is a very tumultuous time and US relations with the Middle East are tense. Extremists and terrorism are a threat. I am not ignoring this or pretending that it is not a threat. Instead, I put it in perspective that even though it exists, it will be by no means a daily reality. Current Peace Corps Volunteers serving in Jordan remind me that day to day I will be working on lesson plans, having tea dates, getting to know the neighbors, doing chores, studying Arabic, playing with the local kids, and being over-fed by my well intended new community. Just as I am too distracted by friends and family and work and every day blessings to worry about the what-ifs while living in Seattle, I remain confident the same will be true in Jordan. 

That funny in-between stage

I got my flight itinerary the other day. I leave in less than a month! Excited nervous overwhelmed emotional. I fly into DC, have two nights at a hotel with the other volunteers, and then we fly out together and get into Amman at 3pm on Tuesday October 30.

Deepak Chopra writes "All great changes are preceded by chaos". I like change- I thrive off of change even. Staying in one place doing the same thing for too long makes me antsy. Even though the act of change itself is hard, it's this in between stage that's killer. Things have most certainly been chaotic, to say the least.

I was walking through the arboretum and couldn't help but compare the changing leaves and clear cut signs that Fall has arrived to this weird in-between stage that I'm in. Nature has a way of changing so eloquently and effortlessly- something that we as humans aren't so easily capable of. Trees actually have chemicals that they secrete during fall that forces the leaves to fall off. We don't produce these same chemicals, so letting go is harder. But just like trees, we need to let go to prepare for future growth.  Whether it be physical things (like 24 years of accumulated what-not in the closet at my mom's house) or emotional baggage, I gotta let a lot of it go to prepare for this new step.

I have a lot of wonderful people in my life here who have been beyond supportive of my decision to move. I'm so grateful for them but it makes leaving that much harder. But, as they say, change is the only constant so I better just keep rollin with it.