In one week I'll be where again?

  Since finding out that Jordan would be my new home for a couple of years, I have been defending that country as if I was born and raised there. The face- that concerned, sorta excited, but confused cringe I get when I tell people I'm moving to Jordan- I hate that face. I feel like it's my duty to be on the defense- list 10 reasons why Jordan is safe or spit out statistics of crime rates in the US, to put things in comparison.

After months of reassuring myself and others that Jordan is indeed a safe and wonderful country, I read this in the paper: Jordan foils al-Quaida plot. When I first read it, I freaked out and for the first time started second guessing my decision to move. I spent about 2 hours googling terrorism (bad idea). Panic and anxiety ensued. I'm leaving in a week and holy sh*t, this is real. A couple hours of reflecting on this tossing and turning in bed sleeplessly, I suddenly realized that this story is a positive thing. Apparently,  authorities have been monitoring this group since June, so Jordan is as safe (if not a degree safer) than it was back then. I should feel reassured that the Jordanian government and security forces are well trained and keep close watch on suspicious groups. Okay. Deep breath. Now, more reflection.

Directly after a disaster we become preoccupied with it- obsessed with it sometimes. We are reminded that life is finite and that is terrifying to us. Following the devastating earthquake and tsunami in Japan last year, I remember researching the Cascadia Fault line that runs from Southern Canada to Northern California and learning that a giant earthquake is likely to occur in Seattle within the next 200 years. Following the shooting in Aurora I researched US serial killers. There have been a lot of them. 

It's hard not to let the fear of the what-ifs paralyze us.

Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold. - Helen Keller

I know that I am going to a part of the world that we hear about in the news constantly. It is a very tumultuous time and US relations with the Middle East are tense. Extremists and terrorism are a threat. I am not ignoring this or pretending that it is not a threat. Instead, I put it in perspective that even though it exists, it will be by no means a daily reality. Current Peace Corps Volunteers serving in Jordan remind me that day to day I will be working on lesson plans, having tea dates, getting to know the neighbors, doing chores, studying Arabic, playing with the local kids, and being over-fed by my well intended new community. Just as I am too distracted by friends and family and work and every day blessings to worry about the what-ifs while living in Seattle, I remain confident the same will be true in Jordan. 

That funny in-between stage

I got my flight itinerary the other day. I leave in less than a month! Excited nervous overwhelmed emotional. I fly into DC, have two nights at a hotel with the other volunteers, and then we fly out together and get into Amman at 3pm on Tuesday October 30.

Deepak Chopra writes "All great changes are preceded by chaos". I like change- I thrive off of change even. Staying in one place doing the same thing for too long makes me antsy. Even though the act of change itself is hard, it's this in between stage that's killer. Things have most certainly been chaotic, to say the least.

I was walking through the arboretum and couldn't help but compare the changing leaves and clear cut signs that Fall has arrived to this weird in-between stage that I'm in. Nature has a way of changing so eloquently and effortlessly- something that we as humans aren't so easily capable of. Trees actually have chemicals that they secrete during fall that forces the leaves to fall off. We don't produce these same chemicals, so letting go is harder. But just like trees, we need to let go to prepare for future growth.  Whether it be physical things (like 24 years of accumulated what-not in the closet at my mom's house) or emotional baggage, I gotta let a lot of it go to prepare for this new step.

I have a lot of wonderful people in my life here who have been beyond supportive of my decision to move. I'm so grateful for them but it makes leaving that much harder. But, as they say, change is the only constant so I better just keep rollin with it.

What I'm listening to these days

 

Learning the Arabic Alphabet is more difficult than I thought. But this song sure is catchy.

What I know so far

I started reflecting on how by choosing one path, I am essentially abandoning another.  Perhaps abandoning is a strong word, but I'm certainly taking a leave of absence, so to speak, from Seattle life. Ya can't be in two places at once. Life is good here. I fall in love with Seattle and the people here all over again just about each and every day. It hit me today that immediately following my departure quite the series of events will take place: election day, Thanksgiving, Mom's birthday, Dad's birthday, Christmas, New Years, and inauguration day- to name a few.  It's comforting that I'll have 26 fellow PCVs with me who will be able to relate, but I anticipate a bit of intense culture shock with some accompanying homesickness. Fortunately, I will without a doubt have a lot on my plate to distract me. 

This is some of what I know so far: 

• I will spend 11 weeks of pre-service training in Madaba, Jordan, a touristy city southwest of Amman. Madaba is a fairly "modern" city, has a large Christian population, and many tourists. 
• Training will be intense, focusing on language, cross-cultural communication and adaptation, development issues, current events, health and safety, and the technical skills pertinent to teaching English and working in primary schools. 
• I will live with a host family throughout training.
• I will be assigned to my permanent site towards the end of training (January 2013) where I will likely live in my own apartment.

• Jordan is currently the only Peace Corps program in the Middle East
• Current PCVs that were stationed close to the Syrian border have since been relocated. The Peace Corps makes safety and security a huge priority- particularly right now. They relocated volunteers preemptively. (I've listed some links about the Syrian conflict at the end)
• There have been some protests in Jordan after the Innocence of Muhammad video went viral, but have been mostly non-violent  Timeline: Protests over anti-Islam video (Aljazeera)
• In general, Jordanians are friendly and hospitable to Westerners. Many urban Jordanians were educated in the West and speak excellent English. Some will likely voice criticism of American policy in the Middle East (sure to be a topic of interest following the results of November 12th...), but individual Americans are generally well-liked and treated respectfully.

That being said, the single most common piece of advice I get from returned Peace Corps Volunteers?  Expect the unexpected. 
 
Links: 
Syria Uprising Timeline - NY times
30,000 Syrian refugees in Jordan

Obama vs Romney on Middle East  
 

“To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest.” ― Pema Chödrön

Seattle is so comfortable, changing yes, but ultimately so incredibly comfortable. At times remarkably so. Other times a bit stifling. The other night at a party I reunited with friends I hadn't seen in some time and updated them that I was soon moving to Jordan. Most were excited, some quite shocked that I would even consider moving to the Middle East during this time of "Muslim Rage" (more on that later...). Regardless, the more I repeat it out loud, the more real it becomes. 

An excerpt from the PC Jordan Welcome Book:

The most successful Volunteers maintain a healthy balance between idealism (“I have something to contribute, I can make a difference, and I have the luxury of time and opportunity to do so.”) and pragmatism (“I want to develop new skills, advance my professional development, challenge my own thinking, and explore where and how I fit in the world”). If you are too idealistic, disappointment will come hard and fast when you cannot single-handedly transform the world, your village, or those you work with. However, if you are overly focused on personal achievement, you may lack sufficient motivation or commitment to overcome barriers, resistance, or inertia, and may miss the joys and rewards of living simply. 

I am doing my best to approach this experience with this mindset. I have a lot to give but certainly a whole lot to learn. 

Second

The Peace Corps' mission has three main goals:

1. Helping the people of interested countries in meeting their need for trained men and women.
2. Helping promote a better understanding of Americans on the part of the peoples served.
3. Helping promote a better understanding of other peoples on the part of Americans    

I am beyond excited for this new adventure. However, the complexity of the Middle East is overwhelming me. I studied International Studies in college. I have an average understanding of the Middle East. Unfortunately, an average understanding means there is still quite a bit I do not know or understand, and probably quite a bit more I don't even know I don't know.  Part of the reason I am keeping this blog is to fulfill goal #3 - promoting a better understanding of other people and cultures. I'm not going to pretend like I know more than I do. I accepted my invitation to work as a primary school teacher in Jordan for a lot of reasons... I have wanted to teach since I was a kid, I've had an increasing fascination with living abroad since college, I believe that peace can't be created solely by the government and people in power, I think I have things to offer. But a huge reason is that I have so much to learn.

So here I go, exploring the unfamiliar- and sharing things as I learn. Any and all comments and opinions are always welcome!

I have been reading so much about Syria lately and want to document my understanding of what is going on now. In August alone, more than 100,000 Syrians fled the country- the highest number since the conflict began in March 2011. "August was arguably Syria's most violent month yet, with the pro-opposition Syrian Observatory for Human Rights reporting more than 5,000 deaths." Up to 183,000 Syrians have entered Jordan and are currently arriving at a rate of about 1,000 a day. (BBC). Jordan doesn't have the means to support the giant influx of people and life in refugee camps is rough- little water, food, and constant uncertainty. There is no real sign of political progress or a military solution that could let them return home anytime soon.

As I prepare to leave family, friends, my home and life I have created in Seattle I sometimes find myself getting really anxious. 27 months is a long time to be away from all that is familiar. But there is such comfort in knowing that when I do come back, the majority of my family and friends will still be here, my neighborhood and beloved park across the street will remain relatively the same. I can not fathom having to get up and go overnight- not knowing when or even if you will be able to return home or if there will even be a home to return to. Saying goodbye to friends and family that you may never see again. Living in tents with intense dust storms and little protection from the sun. War can seem very abstract when it is across the world. It's very very real. READ THIS.  My heart is with the hundreds of thousands of people there and throughout the world whose lives have been so drastically altered by the effects of corruption and war.

First

 

I think I should start a blog. It will sharpen my writing skills- help me remember things done and feelings that went along side them.  And share with other people a bit about living in a part of the world not so well known.

But that will have to wait- until October 31^st to be exact. I was supposed to go to Latin America- so much of what I have done has more than adequately prepared me for development work in Latin America: being raised in a parish that has close ties to El Salvador, studying Spanish in high school, and quite a bit more in college.  Studying Abroad and turning 21 while in Argentina and graduating from the University of San Francisco with a dual degree in International Studies and Latin American Studies. Following graduation I spent 6 months in Central America exploring and volunteering. I returned home and decided to apply for the Peace Corps to solidify, in a way, the time I have put into exploring and learning about this complex, beautiful, fascinating and yet still mysterious part of the world.

I turn in my application.  I ace my interview and soon get nominated to go to Latin America with an estimated departure date of August 2012. I am stoked and ready for this. I follow the Peace Corps’ very precise medical requirements: I get each tooth xrayed, 8 vials of blood drawn and tested for diseases I haven’t heard of, pee in some cups, and visit a couple of psychiatrists to verify that I have the mental stability to serve in the Peace Corps. I become exhausted by the long and drawn out process this has become… but have committed to it and am ready, knowing that this is only the beginning.

10 months after turning in my application, I get a letter inviting me to go work as a Peace Corps Volunteer (PCV) in Jordan. 7 days later I write them back saying I do indeed accept this invitation. And I could not be more stoked.

To clarify for those who don’t have their world map handy, Jordan is south of Syria, west of Iraq, northwest of Saudi Arabia and east of Israel/Palestine.  They speak Arabic, 95% of the population practice Islam.

The more I read and research this country and part of the world, the more excited I become.  What about Latin America? Well, Latin America will still be there 27 months from now. My knowledge of the culture will not simply disappear. Nor will Latin America’s need for development.

For now, I have been given what I believe to be a once in a lifetime opportunity. US/Middle-East relations are not going to disappear. I get to experience first hand a culture that I (nor many Americans for that matter) know little about. I get to work with kids. I love working with kids. I get to learn a new language and learn about a religion quite different from the one in which I was raised.

I get to teach others about where I come from. Although I have mixed emotions about English becoming the global language, I recognize the importance of learning it and am excited to teach it to others.  I come from a society where sex is openly talked about and women are considered equals in many ways. I want to help educate others that an independent, powerful woman, one who speaks her mind, does not sacrifice her role as a loyal wife, wonderful mother, and respectable member of society. I look forward to learning more about gender roles in Jordan and how women actually feel about them. I like to consider myself open minded but know that many of the ideas I have about the Middle-East, and women's' rights more specifically, are based off of stereotypes propagated by the media.  

I could spend the next two and a half months doing nothing but researching the Middle East, but that still would not really prepare me for this.  Don’t get me wrong, I have already been gifted 4 ginormous books including an autobiography by Queen Noor, a book on the history of Islam, Thomas Friedman’s From Beirut to Jerusalem (a history and analysis of Jews and Arabs in the Middle East), and Our Last Best Chance: A story of war and peace by King Abdullah II. I plan on reading all of these. But still, I think it can be advantageous that I don’t know a lot. That sounds silly, but going into a culture thinking that you know just about everything because you have read x number of books and got an x grade point average from x university studying x culture can result in pre-conceived notions and unfulfilled expectations. I like going into this with a fresh perspective, an open mind. I have no grandiose dreams of single-handedly solving the world’s problems, but if by the end of my service I can come home knowing that I have made even the smallest change in someone else’s life, I will consider my aspirations fulfilled. So here I go, with few guarantees other than that the learning curve will be high, the food will be good, and that Seattle will still be here when I get back.